Humble is Great

At the 2011 Internet Retailer Conference, Arianna Huffington said, "Self-expression is the new entertainment."  

http://www.utsandiego.com/news/2011/Jun/15/media-celebrity-arianna-huffington-self-expression/

Huffington was talking about the exponential growth in the use of social media platforms.  She was also, however, describing a fact of our contemporary culture.

Now for a second pithy quote: "For all who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble

themselves will be exalted" (Luke 14:11).  We preacher-types get to tear into that one again--and in the framework where self-promotion is not only entertaining but expected.  If you aren't marketing yourself in some way, then you must be hiding some terrible flaws (or at least that's how it looks in our worldview).

All it takes to be a media superstar is the willingness to be "out there" in some flamboyant and often pathetic fashion.  Social media platforms exploded after the highly "self-expressive" performance offered by Miley Cyrus and Robin Thicke at the 2013 Video Music Awards.  It may be impossible for Miley to stop twerking (whatever that really is--forgive me, I'm old), but it was even more impossible for viewers to stop tweeting.  The "performance" blew up Twitter at the rate of 30,000 tweets a minute.

The platforms may be different, but the principle is the same.  Any publicity is good publicity.  And in this environment we lucky preacher types get to talk about humility.

Lovely.

So, let's talk about what it really means to be humble.  The marks of real humility are made clear in Luke 14:

• Availability to serve
• Hospitality
• Generosity
• Being teachable and open to new input

This isn't about being some sort of doormat or wilting wallflower.  Jesus' humility is very assertive and even confrontational.  But humility is not about self-promotion.  It is about serving others.  Humility is not about collecting "Likes" on Facebook.  It is about offering help to anyone who might need it. Humility does not depend on a persona or a performance.  Instead it is about being me in the fully glory of my God-created being.

In the church, humility may be nothing more or less than believing that someone might have something to tell us that we don't already know.  I have been around too many churches lately where the knowledge quota has already been filled.  There is no room for any new input fro outsiders, thank you very much.  Many churches would rather die than learn.  In such places real humility is not an option.

Others will gauge and recognize authentic humility.  Self-promotion will result in social demotion.  We all recognize the efforts in ourselves and others to climb whichever ladder happens to matter to us at the moment.  And we all get a bad taste in our mouths when that climbing happens.  We all recognize the people who want to do nothing but help others.  And we can't help but elevate such folks in our thinking and often in our churches and businesses.  Humble people really do often get "called up higher" in the end.

Of course, that's not why they do it.  They are just trying to be the best persons they can be, using what God has given them for the sake of others and for the life of the world.  That's real humility.  That's true greatness.

They are the same thing.  I think I read that somewhere.

Giving is not Getting

"I'll sum up the key to success in one word: generosity.  If your interactions are ruled by generosity, your rewards will follow suit"--Keith Ferrazzi, consultant, author and motivational speaker.

In Luke 14, Jesus also mentions the connection between giving of ourselves and getting rewards.  So, is the cat finally out of the bag here?  Isn't this the same old give something to get something system--just with the rewards delayed until the "resurrection of the just"?

No.  It isn't.

Let's assume that Jesus wants what is best for us.  Let's assume that Jesus isn't opposed to happiness, fun, joy, pleasure and celebration.  Let's assume that when his adversaries accuse him of being a glutton and a drunkard that they had some basis for their accusations.

Most of all, let's assume that Jesus wants FROM us only what is good FOR us.

If we pursue giving as a means of getting, we will fail in the end.  Adam Grant quotes a University of Michigan sociologist to illustrate how this works for networking.  "If we create networks with the sole intention of getting something, we won't succeed," notes Wayne Baker.  "We can't pursue the benefits of networks; the benefits ensue from investments in meaningful activities and relationships." (Grant, Give and Take, page 34).

Jesus is talking about pursing social networks for the sake of personal benefit.  He anticipates contemporary social scientists by two millennia.  We have been told that giving is for suckers.  Some of us belong to the Gordon Gecko generation.  The character from the film, Wall Street, put it quite directly: "The point is ladies and gentlemen that greed, for lack of a better word, is good."

In fact, greed is, for lack of a better word, bad.

Research reveals that givers live longer, have better immune response, sleep better, earn more money on average over a lifetime, have more stable families and less mental illness.

In short, givers are "blessed."  

I pray for more givers in our churches.  Let's do a little thought experiment in that regard.  A family attends our worship service.  It's clear they don't really know "Lutheran."  They have spiritual habits and needs that it will be hard for our congregation to fill.  Do you

a) ignore these facts and pursue them aggressively as prospective members?

b) treat them with benign neglect because they will be more bother than they are worth?

c) start a new service with them in mind?

d) help them find a church home that will meet their needs even if it's not ours?

Most of our congregants would opt for a) or b).  A few might go for c) if enough of the strangers show up at one time.  Almost none of the congregations I know would go for d).  After all, what's in it for us if we do that?

Precisely.

In the business world, successful companies more and more are choosing d).  We will do whatever it takes to meet your needs, even if it means sending you to our competitors.

Can you imagine most congregations even considering that strategy?  I can't.

But that's one of the shapes real humility would take for us.  So, can we trust Jesus enough to work at being real givers?

Getting Called Up

"And you will be blessed, because they cannot repay you, for you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous." Luke 14:14

How do we treat the people who cannot and will not benefit us in any way?  Brenda and I were crossing the street in Nisswa, Minnesota yesterday afternoon.  The street is under construction, and there are no marked crosswalks.  There was not a great deal of traffic, and we are on vacation.  So we weren't sprinting across the street.

Along came a motorist with places to go, people to see and things to do.  A toot of the horn made it clear that we were in the way and should move along for our own good.  If anything, the driver sped up in order to make the point.  You can imagine that we did not have a warm and fuzzy conversation about that stranger once we made it in one piece to the other side.

We were objects, an impediment to progress, a bother, a pair of roadblocks in shorts and flip-flops.  In order to treat another in rude and unfeeling ways, most of us need to reduce the Other to something less than a person.  With that transformation complete, empathy is no longer possible and bad behavior makes good sense.

St. Augustine would be horrified by the culture we Westerners have created.  He urged us to love people and to use things.  Our commercial worldview urges us to do the opposite.  Now, perhaps we are finally experiencing the snap-back against that worldview.  Every management and business book I have read recently describes how critical it is to build a relationship with the client, customer and consumer.  The goal is not merely to know what that person wants.  Rather the goal is to see the world from that person's perspective.  Most of us are done being market targets.

Empathy is the new "hot app" in the business world!

If only that were so in the church world.  Most church visitors have experienced the "meat market congregation."  We show up the first time and all eyes turn upon us with a sort of organizational hunger. New givers!  New Sunday School teachers!  New choir members or ushers or committee members! "We're so glad you are here with us this morning!"  

So glad, indeed.  Glad in the same way that I was glad to see my dinner in the restaurant last evening.

"When you give a luncheon or a dinner, do not invite your friends or your brothers or your relatives or rich neighbors, in case they may invite you in return, and you would be repaid" (Luke 14:12).  Jesus spent his earthly ministry in what Adam Grant calls a "matching" culture.  You give something in order to get something in return.  All relationships are transactions with honor and shame as the currency.  Dinner parties were given as opportunities to create debts on the part of the guests--markers to be called in later.

Of course, all manner of "networking events" operate in the same way.  Attend any local Chamber of Commerce gathering and be ready to exchange business cards with two dozen people.  And know that the expectation (or at least the fond hope) is that you will call on them for paid services or products in the future.

The Reign of God is a different sort of place.  We gather around the table for love, not for profit.  Other people are ends in themselves, not rungs on the social ladder.  The poor, the lame and the outcast have the same or perhaps more value in the system than the rich, the healthy and the well-connected.  The outsiders have been brought in.  The insiders may be cast out.  There is only giving--no taking, no matching.  

We can always set a few more chairs at the table.  And there is someone who will say to us, "Friend, come up higher."  His name is Jesus.

The Rock (Bass) of Hope

This plaque follows me wherever I go: "The charm of fishing is that it is the pursuit of what is elusive but attainable, a perpetual series of occasions for hope."  (John Buchan)

Indeed, it is the hopeful nature of fishing that I find so attractive in the end.  I do not mean "hope" as a code word for wishful thinking or fond imaginings.  I am talking about real hope--the stuff that is made up of agency, pathways and goals (as C. Richard Snyder has shown us).

The agency element is obvious.  I am a person who can fish.  There are ways to enhance that capacity. I can find my way to a lake or river.  A fishing video once reminded me that no one catches fish by climbing a tree.  You have to go where the fish are.  So I can get into a boat.  I can read the books and magazines and web-based resources that are obsessed with fishing techniques and strategies and tricks.

I can get the proper equipment.  I can do what I need to do in order to be able to fish.

The goal is also obvious.  I am not a great fan of fishing.  However, I am a great fan of catching.  That goal doesn't change.  I may adjust my strategies based on what I hope to catch.  Fishing for catfish is a quite different activity from fishing for walleye.  There is, however, little ambiguity about the goal.

The really attractive part to me is the alternative pathways to the goal.  There is no end to the options available to competent and well-equipped fisher person.  

We who fish are constantly ridiculed and disrespected for the sheer amount of equipment we accumulate--rods, reels, lures, fish detectors, fish attractors, and thousands of other pieces of paraphernalia.  This panoply of tools is required to meet the dozens of variables in any fishing situation--species, water conditions, light conditions, weather conditions, depth, temperature, phase of the moon, season of the year, and more.

That is the attractive part for me.  There is always another lure to try.  There is always another technique to use.  There is always another cast to make.  There is always another fish to catch.  There is always an alternative path to the future when the current one seems blocked.  The possibilities of fishing are only limited by the creativity (and the size of the tackle box) of the fisher person.

I am well-served when I remember this in my life.  There is always hope.  There is always another path to the future.  There is always another way to look at things.  There is always, as the speaker and photographer so memorably said, "another right answer."  This is one of the keys to real life

satisfaction.

When am I the most unhappy?  When I am sure that all the paths forward are blocked.  How do I get out of that dead-end thinking?  I can remember that brand new floating perch-colored lure in my box that I haven't yet tried.  I can remember the joy yesterday of catching my first rock bass in my life.  I didn't even know what it was until we asked someone else.  Can you believe it? Another kind of fish to catch!

It doesn't get any more hopeful than that.

Living in the No-Wake Zone

We're spending five lovely days on the Gull Lake Narrows just outside of Nisswa, Minnesota.  You can see where we're staying if you go to www.lostlake.com.  The cabins front on the connection between Upper and Lower Gull Lake. We are staying next to a very highly traveled "No Wake Zone."

So I wondered.  What precisely does "No Wake Zone" mean?  

According to the 2008 Minnesota Statute, Subdivision 16a, "'Slow-no wake' means operation of a watercraft at the slowest possible speed necessary to maintain steerage, but in no case greater than five miles per hour."

Seems clear enough--or so I thought.  Then I began reading some boating listservs, FAQ's and blogs on the web.  "Slowest" is a matter of significant debate and confusion.

First the purposes of a no-wake zone:

• to reduce erosion on nearby shores, especially those with homes on them;
• to minimize disturbance to other watercraft, especially smaller ones;
• to protect boats and other watercraft at anchor;
• to provide safe swimming spots along the shore;
• to minimize conflicts between users of the waterway;
• to protect fish spawning areas; and
• to protect wetlands and other fragile environments.

At least half of those purposes are at play here on the Narrows.  Of course, that makes no difference to the boaters who buzz through the Narrows early in the morning when it seems that no one is looking. One of our neighbors took the opportunity to engage me in a hundred yard rant about the selfish $*/#-ers who couldn't slow down even for five minutes.

I was struck by how closely his indignation matched the waves being produced by the passing boaters. I started wishing for an emotional "no-wake zone" to match the one posted out one the water west of our cabin.

I discovered that the boat operator is responsible for the impact of the wake and any resulting damage. This is federal law, not just common courtesy.  One site suggested the golden rule of no wake zones: "leave a wake behind your boat that you would want other boats to leave for you."

This sounds like a good rule for life, not just for lakes.

"The key is to slow down all the way," wrote one newsletter author.  To leave no wake, a boat must be operating at idle speed, about 600 to 800 rpm.  So why do people go faster--besides the fact that they are frantic to get to the fish or the wake boarding or the party down the shore?  It's pretty simple.  Slow boats steer much harder.  The running idle speed of about 1300 rpm makes a boat easier to steer, especially if you have a beer in your off hand.

That running idle speed, however, produces far more wake than the true idle.  Thus the counsel to slow down all the way.  In addition, boating regulations specify that craft passing within 500 feet of one another need to slow down as well.  I have never once observed that happening out on the lake.

It is important to anticipate and slow down before getting to the no-wake zone.  That, however, rarely happens either.  Most boats roar up the marker buoys and then slam the throttle down to the bottom.  All that accomplishes is sending the wake into the channel ahead of your boat.  So much for protecting that fragile environment.

That being said, we are spending time here in the real, emotional, spiritual no-wake zone of quiet, reflection, walking, resting, reading, eating, playing and laughing.  When I return, I hope I will be a little more careful about the impact of the wake I create.  It is important to slow down for the smaller craft and the fragile shorelines around us.  It is life-giving to create no more wake than necessary in emotional as well as nautical terms.

May I seek to idle my motor at 600 rpm as often as possible.

Thanks, Dad (and Will Rogers)

"Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment."  Will Rogers

My father was a connoisseur of the good quote.  He was also shameless in attributing them to his own wit and wisdom.  It was years before I discovered that Dad had stolen the line above from Will Rogers.  Lest I be too harsh, I am (after all) a preacher and public speaker.  Good public speakers know how and when to steal quality material and to put it to good use.

The failure to learn is perhaps the greatest of all failures.  It may be a sign of our overwhelming perfectionism.  One of our devotions this morning put it this way.  "We're more likely to see a setback as a sign that we're a complete failure than as a necessary learning experience from growth" (In God's Care: Daily Meditations on Spirituality in Recovery, August 21). 

So resistance to learning is a sign of the emotional extremism that often keeps us in bondage.  I must either be a complete success or a total failure.  If I am not one, then I must be the other.  And since I cannot avoid the reality of failure, I am regularly impressed with my utter lack of perfection.  Being reminded that I don't know everything, then, is one more way that my inadequacy is highlighted.

Learning requires abandoning perfectionism.  Useful experience often comes from "bad" judgment.  We all know that we learn most and best from our failures.  I have days that are filled with continuing education opportunities.

The only question is, will I benefit from the opportunities or not?

This has a couple of implications.  One of the best ways to have a difficult conversation is to turn it into a learning conversation.  "Help me understand more of what you are saying, thinking, feeling," is the royal road to reconciliation and hope.  Asking that question requires that I am vulnerable.  It requires that I am OK with being incomplete and less than perfect.  Asking that question means that I am asking the other party for help in learning more about my world.

That's why it works so well.  And that's why it is so difficult to have such conversations without help from a third party.  I don't like being vulnerable, incomplete and imperfect any more than anyone else. But I can deal with the fact that you are in that position, and I'm then willing to join you there as a facilitator.  And I'll do my best to guide you to the new information and connections that make the risk worthwhile.

In addition, this is why learning organizations flourish.  Businesses that describe themselves in terms of what they offer will not do well in attracting consumer attention.  Those organizations that seek to learn from their market and then describe themselves in terms of that learning--those are the organizations that will stand out and get ahead.

I find this so painfully obvious in congregations.  When I have worked with congregations in planning processes, I have encountered the greatest resistance when I have suggested that they go and talk to the community.  "Ask the community what the real ministry needs are in this area," I say.  "Why would we want to do that?" is often the response.  

Many congregations believe that the outside world has nothing to teach them.  They strive to be absolutely self-defining.  Is it any wonder that the outside world looks in other places for healing, help and hope?  Humility, vulnerability and openness will serve churches just as well as any other business or nonprofit.

May God bless us with good judgment and equip us to deal with the bad judgment that gets us there!

When Learning is Gaining

I want to think some more about the "learning is losing" perspective on life.

We tend to think that learning is for the people who don't know anything about a subject.  In fact, the most avid learners in any discipline are always those who are already experts to some degree. I think about the stories of Michael Jordan and his desire to become a better basketball player.  That desire continued to increase, even when he was regarded as one of the greatest players of all time.

The desire to learn is a sign of strength, not weakness.  I think about myself.  I am most interested in learning more about those subject I already know.  I am interested in those topics and want to know more. I have more than a nodding acquaintance with theology, with the psychology of hope, and with several other subject areas.  And I want to learn more about these areas.  I am open to that learning because I already have strengths in those areas.

I think about those who resist learning.  They (we) often live in a closed, self-contained, self-sufficient world. They already know everything they need to know.  New input is an intrusion and a destabilizing force.  This is the root, for example, of the seven most deadly words in the church: "We've always done it that way."  Keep your new information to yourself, thank you very much.  We are quite fine as we are.

Of course, no one can survive without new information.  The world continues to change.  Let me use this image.  I can try to stand in precisely the same place in a river.  The river, however, continues to flow.  Even though I am standing still, my surroundings will change despite my preferences.  Remaining in the same place is simply not an option in this life.

Why, then, do people regard learning as losing.  This perspective is relies on a scarcity mindset.  If you have something of value to share with me, then I must be lacking.  After all, there's only so much knowledge to go around.  If you have more, then I must have less.  If you have something to teach me, then I must be stupid and ignorant and defective.

In fact, when we learn from one another, everyone gets smarter.  The pie gets bigger and there is more to go around.  The smartest people learn the most from others.

A scarcity mindset is always rooted in shame.  Shame is that sense that I am not enough--and that eventually everyone is going to find that out.  If I have something to learn from you, then I am not enough.  There is something I don't know.  There is some way that I am deficient.  And when you share some new information with me, you are simply pointing out my deficiencies for everyone to see.

Think about all the angry ways that we respond to new input.  

• "Well, of course, I already knew that!"
• "So, what makes you so smart?"
• "That may have worked in your last job, but this is a different place."
• "Don't tell me what to do!"

It's one thing to have some legitimate skepticism.  But most of our responses to learning opportunities arise out of our sense that we are not enough.  Most of our responses to learning opportunities demonstrate the deep sense of shame so many people have in general.

In fact, it takes great security to engage in real learning.  I must be humble enough to know that I don't know everything.  That humility is rooted in the sense that I may not be everything, but I am enough.  So then I don't have to threatened by new information or insights.  I must have confidence that I can absorb and integrate the new information.  That takes the flexibility that only a clear sense of self offers.  I suspect that some resist new information because they don't know who they are.  They fear that their fragile sense of self will be eroded by the new perspectives.

Learners know first of all who they are and what they are worth.  When that is the case, learning is gaining.