Fear is Information

Fear is information.  That may not have occurred to you, but it is true.  It is information from our bodies, sent to our brains, warning us of possible danger.  That information may provoke an immediate reaction.  Or it may lead to a considered response.  Psychologists sometimes refer to the reaction as the neurological "low road."  They sometimes refer to the response as the neurological "high road."

These labels are not really value attributions.  Instead, these labels describe the different paths that fear as information may take through our brains.  The "low road" is the direct route from the external stimulus directly to the reactive centers in the brain (sometimes referred to broadly as the limbic system).  The low road takes the short path to action, not bothering with the slower and more reflective neocortex. Thus the low road is reactive rather than reflective.

The low road is the path to take if I am on the African savannah and am surprised by a lion.  Taking the time to consciously process that experience is a fine formula for ending up as lion lunch.  There are moments when the low road is the best road.

Those moments are rare in most of our lives.  But the low road still exists and can take us over if we're not paying attention.  This is the "amygdala hijack" which is described in some conflict resolution literature.  A fear-induced reaction in the midst of interpersonal conflict will usually make things worse rather than better.  When two limbic systems lock horns in a reactive cycle, the outcome is usually quite bad.

The high road moves the fear-based information into our higher reasoning and processing centers.  The low road may produce a rough and ready reaction in milliseconds.  The high road may require several seconds for processing.  But, as I suggest strongly in my parenting classes, the high road is almost always the best road.  This is true because good behavior is usually recognized and rewarded in the long run.  This is also true because a reflective response is far more likely to be heard and appreciated than is a heated reaction.

How do we choose the best path?  We can practice stepping backward in order to move forward. When your granny told you to count to ten before responding to a negative comment, she was right. Stop and wait.  Take a deep breath and exhale.  Take another deep breath and exhale again.  Use your breathing to engage your vagus nerve--to slow your heart rate and respiration, to decrease your blood pressure and slow down the production of adrenaline and cortisol.

And then think.  This is not an encouragement to deny your emotions.  It is an encouragement to treat emotions for what they are--thoughts with particular energy valences.  Fear is information.  It can produce anger, which is a secondary and reactive emotion.  Or it can produce curiosity, which is a secondary and responsive emotion.

So be brave.  Courage is not the absence of fear.  That is simply foolishness.  Courage is the management of fear for the sake of some greater goal.  That management may equip you to take a risk for the sake of another.  That management may equip you to speak out in the face of injustice.  That management may equip you to be calm enough to ask additional questions before coming to a conclusion or taking action.

And practice being brave.  This is a skill that can be cultivated, at least in small ways.  Step back to move forward.  Breathe deeply and exhale fully.  Try to imagine the situation from the point of view of the other person.  If nothing else comes to mind, simply say, "You may have a point."  And then ask further reflective questions.

If fear is information, then the way out of fear will be more and better information...unless, of course, you are running from a lion!