A New Skill Set

I work with a variety of people in conflicted situations.  Many of them come to mediation with some well-developed skills.  Unfortunately these are typically the wrong skills for dealing constructively with conflict.  Here is a partial list of those skills.

1. Winning matters more than anything else.
2. It is more important to be right than to be in relationship.
3. Shouting and name-calling are workable strategies for communication.
4. Texting and emailing are effective ways to deal with complicated topics.
5. Giving orders is much more fun than compromising.
6. Revenge is more effective than forgiveness.
7. All past wrongs and hurts will be addressed before anything else can happen.
8. Intimidation is preferable to diplomacy.
9. I am more important than anyone else.
10. Why can't you all realize that I am right and nothing else matters?

When in doubt, stop talking and start fighting.

I am no longer surprised to hear and see such perspectives.  On the other hand, it saddens me always to be part of such interchanges.  It especially saddens me when people in their twenties interact in this way and victimize their young children as they express their disgust and contempt toward one another.

It is clear that most of our young people are learning fully dysfunctional skills.  Our children are learning how to dribble a soccer ball, turn a perfect somersault, dribble a basketball between their legs, build a smartphone app, and create youtube videos.

Perhaps we need to spend more time educating young people on how to be decent with one another. Perhaps we can help them to see that being right is over-rated.  Perhaps we can help them to see that being kind and decent are real paths to long-term success.  Perhaps we can help them to see that community is more important than individual rights.  Perhaps we can help them to see that humility is a positive life skill and not a way to be a doormat.  Perhaps we can resist the inveterate narcissism that is regarded in this perverse culture as a positive good.

Will the next generation learn something about building peace rather than creating conflict?  I wonder. But I'm honored to help with the effort.