On Giving and Taking

Still more on Matthew 20:1-16, the Parable of the Laborers in the Vineyard...

In most of my interpersonal transactions, I am a giver.  I can give to others without much thought of any return.  But the closer I am emotionally to another person, the more I (unconsciously) expect a ROEI--a return on my emotional investment.  I don't make that deal up front.  The other party never agrees to any particular terms.  The contract is entirely inside my head.  But it is no less real than a written, witnessed, and executed agreement.

When I am disappointed, the truth comes out.  For all my delusions of altruistic generosity, I expected payment for services rendered.  I expected acknowledgment, respect, and--most of all--gratitude.  Oh, and the gratitude needs to be more than a polite thank you.  It needs to be a warm and willing deference for the long haul.  In the dark recesses of my tiny mind, the debt will never be repaid.

At the deepest level, we humans are all takers.  Takers, as Adam Grant writes, "like to get more than they give.  They tilt reciprocity in their own favor, putting their own interests ahead of others' needs" (Give and Take, page 4).  Taking is the basic human rebellion against God.  The man and the "took" the fruit and ate it.  They would not trust God the Giver.  They were afraid that God was withholding some of the goodies.  And the Enemy played on that fear.

Taking is just what it sounds like--a narcissistic form of theft.  When we deal with takers, we often feel cheated and used.  So most of us function most of the time as "matchers."  The early workers in the vineyard function in this way.  We worked more, so we should get more.  We are entitled to that.

So the first workers carried with them an internal contract.  The ones who work least should set the baseline wage, and the rising tide will lift all boats.  After all, that's only fair, right?  And if I get paid more, then I certainly must be worth more.  That's really why we measure and compare incomes. How else can we determine who the really important people are?

The early-chosen are obviously the most productive and thus the most valuable in economic terms. They are like the kids who always get picked first on the playground at recess.  We know that system can get twisted by favoritism and friendship.  But generally it works out.  So the early-chosen have a sense of entitlement.  When they get paid the same, they accuse the landowner of cheating, of holding something back.

Here we are, back in a garden...

And here is where the parable blows up our assumptions.  God is not a matcher.  God is the Giver. God wants you and me to have all of God's goodness--right away and without conditions.  

Trusting God means trusting God's goodness.