Nudging the Slider

It will soon be two years, two months, two days, two hours and two seconds since Anne died.  That will happen early in the morning on January twenty-second.  That collection of "two's" has no significance.  Yet it stands out to my attention.  I am, like you, an incurable pattern producer.  We will make meaning and see patterns even where there are none.

One pattern I do notice is that the metaphorical "slider" on my emotional condition seems more likely to be set at "sad" than at "happy."  I can't really penetrate to memories of my emotional condition prior to Anne's death.  That will, I suspect, remain a murky fog for the rest of my days.  I think, however, that my internal emotional state defaulted to "happy" in those days much more often than it did to "sad."

This permanent shift in the internal default setting for feelings is common among those who have lost a close loved one.  It is the statistical norm.  That doesn't make it feel any better.

The good news, I find, is that with some modest attention and effort, I can move that internal slider back to the "happy" setting.  I don't recall having to do that more than two years and two months ago.  But there it is--simply a part of my life now and not much of a burden at that.

The research shows that a variety of practices can help us to move the slider in the happy direction.  In one study, researchers examined the emotional priming effect of facial expressions.  Here's a quick and clear summary of that research:

http://scienceblogs.com/cognitivedaily/2009/04/06/just-smile-youll-feel-better-w-1/

In the study, holding a pencil in your mouth in such a way that your face smiles will produce an improved affect.

So, if you see me driving from Bellevue to Syracuse some morning, you might see me putting some of this into practice.  I have been experimenting with wearing a smiling face for no particular reason.  I must report that my emotional state does improve.  Of course, we know that correlation does not entail causation.  Is it because I have just decided to be happier?  Is it because I have named my sad feelings and gotten that out of the way?  Is it because I feel foolish and silly and can laugh about it since no one else is watching?

Is it because we can use our physical apparatus to impact our emotional states?  That's what the research does seem to indicate.  But what does it matter?  I feel better.  I cannot choose the default on my emotional slider setting.  I am not, however, stuck with that setting.  I can use simple tactics to nudge it toward the happy side.  And I can do this every day as part of my normal routine.

Try it and share your experiences here!