Little by Slowly

Brenda and I heard a speaker some months ago who used the phrase "little by slowly."  It was so much a part of his vocabulary and cadence that he didn't even wink anymore when saying it.  It was his way of talking about the need in this life to wait for constructive changes to happen.  It was his way of talking about how we do the day by day footwork as God brings about the larger alterations in our lives.

Little by slowly--that's how living with loss goes.  I stand by sometimes and watch as fellow travelers meet and support one another.  We find each other, we who have lost a loved one.  We gravitate toward one another, we who have that amputated emotional limb.  Many of us are doing well.  Many of us have moved on in significant ways.  Many of us live happy, grateful, productive, present-centered lives.  But we still know.

We know the ways of little by slowly.

I stand by sometimes and watch as fellow travelers meet and support one another.  There is the flash of recognition as we think, "Oh yes, here is someone who will understand."  Tears that have been dammed up for days or months or years flow freely again.  It may take just a word or a look or a squeeze of the hand.  But there is that immediate connection.

The changes take place in such small ways, almost imperceptibly.  The difficult times get further and further apart--at least for many of us.  We have those moments where realize, "Well, isn't that interesting.  That thing that used to bother me so much is now just another thing."  The gratitude overwhelms the grief more often than not.  The hurt becomes history more often than not.  It happens for the most part little by slowly.

My experience of so much of this was that I am waiting as fast as I can.  That is my response to little by slowly.  I can't force the pace.  I can't make things happen until they are wanting to happen.  I can't craft an outcome other than the one God intends.  I'm waiting as fast as I can and doing what is good for me in the meantime.

Some days that's a miserable prospect.  But most days it is the path to peace and...hope.  The journey toward hope, made of a million little choices, is a journey we take little by slowly.