Let Them Laugh

“Why do people laugh during bereavement?”  I read that opening question in the article entitled “A Study of Laughter and Dissociation” Distinct Correlates of Laughter and Smiling During Bereavement” (Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 1997).  I read that question and thought to myself, “Who in the world are they studying?”  I wasn’t laughing very much in those first days.  Somehow I stumbled on to this article, and a few ideas slowly began to dawn.

Dacher Keltner and George Bonano wanted to test several related hypotheses.  “Laughter facilitates the adaptive response to stress by increasing the psychological distance from distress and by enhancing social relationships.”  If you want to read the entire article, you can find it at http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/dacherkeltner/docs/keltner.laughter.jpsp.1997.pdf.  In essence, they wanted to test whether laughing in the midst of grief made a person better adjusted and more fun to be around.

Job security for research psychologists (and good work if you can get it).  That being said, they came back with fascinating results.  It’s important to remember that they were writing at a time when Freudian approaches to bereavement still reigned supreme.  They acknowledge this paradigm bias in their report.

 “The preceding analysis suggests that laughter should relate to improved functioning in response to losing a spouse.  At first glance, this proposal is at odds with traditional bereavement theories, which have emphasized the importance of working through the emotional pain of the loss…and have generally viewed the expression of positive emotion as an indication of denial and as an impediment to grief resolution.”

In fact, authentic expressions of laughter and joy early in the bereavement process “predicted reduced grief severity at each outcome assessment.”  Those who gave such expressions experienced less anger, distress and overall negative emotion in the months after their loss.    They also reported greater social interaction.  The one down side to being in a better mood was that the laughers tended to get less sympathy.  During the course of the study “observers responded to those bereaved participants who did not laugh with the increased inclination to offer comfort and with feelings of compassion…”

On the one hand, authentic laughter “was associated with recollections of increased relationship adjustment with the deceased spouse and with reduced ambivalence toward a current important other.”  So positive affect in the early bereavement process generally predicted better long-term outcomes.  On the other hand, that positive affect, violated the expectations of others.  So the less miserable bereaved folks were actually penalized by some around them for feeling better.

These clinical results described my experiences precisely.  The more I ruminated and tried to express my sadness, the worse I felt.  Going to a happy movie was much better therapy.  But I had people in my life who were concerned that such “getting on with it” behavior was not healthy.  During Anne’s illness and following her death, I shared heartfelt and profound expressions of my grief and of my deep love and appreciation for her.  Then when I was able to move on into a new relationship, there were those who doubted the sincerity of my expressions regarding Anne.

Damned either way.

In fact, the research shows that the bereaved’s ability to share positive expressions early on is a good indicator of healthy adjustment downstream.  Bereavement professionals and popular opinion alike need to catch up with the research for the benefit of those bereaved.