As Easy as ABCDE

Seligman teaches the "ABCDE" technique for combating the negative self-talk that leads to dysthymia and which can suck us into depression.  That's one of the techniques I have found very helpful in dealing with the struggles of life after loss.

Before I describe that technique, I should clarify.  After nineteen months, I don't spend large amounts of time in what I experience as "active" grieving.  There are some moments, but they are fewer and further between.  What I think I experience are the artifacts and leftovers of this experience of Radical Loss and Utter Helplessness.  I tend toward depressed thinking in the face of adversity far more easily than I once did (I think).  So the techniques to combat such thinking are a daily discipline for me.

It's not that I think regularly of my loss (except as I write here in this blog).  Instead, I simply am more vulnerable to the "little losses" of daily life.  I have an amazing life at this point, and when I am physically active, emotionally awake and spiritually conscious, I know that.  Stress, struggles and setbacks, however, can dull my feelings and numb my spirit.  If I don't make the choices to be awake and aware, I can easily slip into the dark spiral of negative thinking.

Therefore a technique like the ABCDE process helps a great deal.  Here is how Seligman describes it:

• A stands for Adversity--the event, thought, or emotion that presents the problem
• B stands for Beliefs--especially those beliefs about ourselves that create the learned helplessness response that we rightly call depression
• C stands for Consequences--the feelings, thoughts and actions that come out of those self-defeating beliefs
• D stands for Disputation and Distraction--sometimes I can simply take a walk, read a book, talk to my spouse or a friend, write a blog entry, etc., and distract myself from the temporary helplessness I experience.  If that doesn't work, I can engage in a whole series of efforts to dispute the accuracy and usefulness of my self-defeating and self-destructive thoughts
• E stands for Energization--this is the recovery phase of the process.  I can acknowledge how I felt.  I can celebrate how I dealt with it.  I can use the energy released in the process for new and constructive thoughts, feelings and actions.

I can use this technique on myself and/or I can ask people I trust to help me walk through it.  I can use this technique as I seek to be supportive to others who are struggling.  I can teach it to the children in my life and help them become more resilient adults.  I can use it in my professional coaching with people who want to improve their performance at work and at home.

The alphabet is a simple thing.  But our capacity to describe and interact with reality is enhanced by that simple system.  That's how I experience this method as well.