Intro-motivators

Let's think together for a bit about motivational styles and techniques.  I'm not talking about how I get motivated.  I want to reflect together on the ways we as leaders motivate others.

In her book, Quiet, Susan Cain describes research into the ways in which extroverts and introverts relate to one another.  The results of several studies indicate that "introverts like people they meet in friendly contexts; extroverts prefer those they compete with" (page 231). 

This has particular significance for how introverts and extroverts respond to encouragement.  Introverts do better with coaches and trainers and bosses who speak in gentle and soothing tones.  Extroverts produce more when they are pushed harder with more challenging and confrontational language.  

I think that the same holds true for delivering motivational language.  I would much prefer to encourage people with gentle nudges, with moderate humor, and with positive reinforcement.  With groups of people, such as congregations, this soft approach is generally ineffective.  Once in awhile I get impatient or tired and I sound--at least to myself--like a Marine Drill instructor.

This happened yesterday during announcements.  I strongly encouraged volunteering for a congregational task.  Afterwards I thought I had been too harsh and that I had probably offended more than a few people in the crowd.  

My fears seemed to be confirmed when I learned that the leader of that effort had sent an email.  I was already composing the apology in my head when I heard the rest of the message.  Response to my peremptory orders had been quite good.  Thanks for making the announcement.

Of course, the majority of the crowd were thick-skinned extroverts who simply needed to have their...priorities adjusted.  If I had heard the same message, I would have been slightly offended by the tone and my motivation to comply would have been reduced.  So now I think that perhaps I need to adjust my apology and target it to the gentler souls in the crowd.  

Well, probably not.  Because then I would have to apologize for my apology since I would make all of us highly sensitive introverts feel worse for having been singled out.  I can testify from a lifetime of experience that I am nearly impossible to please when it comes to motivational style (and oh so many other things as well).  But since I am an introvert, you would never know this to be the case.

It is an always growing edge in my leadership development.  I will never be comfortable making demands of people--or at least what I would experience as demands.  So, as Cain points out, I have to act comfortable even when I don't feel it.  This is necessary if I am to do my job effectively as a leader.  

I know that if I don't go ahead and establish some organizational order, then I will be resentful of those who have not complied with my kinder, gentler and softer entreaties.  That resentment will accumulate until I move from Teddy Bear Lowell to the Godzilla Pastor.  So I am better off living with my anxieties about being too mean in small doses rather than having to pick up the pieces when I have let the accumulating irritation get the best of me.

One of the saving graces is having someone with whom to check this all out.  Was I too harsh?  Did I sound like I was giving orders to the inmates?  Was I too snide or snarky by half?  I am blessed with a spouse who listens carefully and gives good feedback.  I think that is the best tool we introverts can have in dealing with our own inner critics--someone we trust to speak the truth to us with love.

So, here's the deal.  You know what you need to do today.  Get off your butts and get out there and do it!  Oh, I hope I didn't say that too strongly.  Are you feeling OK?