Rumor-Killers

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Back to rumors and gossip for another post.  What are behaviors that can be taught to reduce the prevalence and power of rumors in a congregation or other organizational system?  There are no complicated answers to that question.  The behaviors, however, require institutional buy-in and repeated practice.

Resist the negativity bias.  All human communication will favor information that is negative, threatening, destabilizing and juicy.  Bad reports crowd out good ones.  We are defensive communicators--always on the lookout for information that might save us from a fall, a mistake, a wreck of some kind.  But that bias leads us to believe bad reports far more often than good ones.  Assume the best until you hear otherwise.

Always seek authentication before sharing or passing on information.  Even the most reliable sources are routinely wrong.  Have you ever played the "telephone" game?  When you hear a rumor, you're in the game.  Your choice is about whether to pass on the information uncritically and to become complicit in the dysfunction--OR NOT.

Issue friendly challenges to possible rumors.  You don't have to say to your friends, "Well, are you sure that's true?"  We tend not to do that to people we value.  Instead, engage in a learning conversation.  "I'm wondering where that information came from?  Help me understand some of the background of this conversation?  Is this something you got from the source or secondhand?" Unchallenged statements become authenticated rumors--especially when they contain threatening information.

Consider the information, not the source.  If we receive information from people we know and like, we tend to authenticate that information without question.  If we receive information from people we don't know or dislike, we tend to discount that information.  If we receive negative information about people we value, we tend to discount that information.  If we receive negative information about people we dislike, we tend to authenticate that information.  Instead, focus on the content of the information itself and ask whether it is verified AND true.

Do not ask rumor-generating questions of third parties.  For example, refrain from asking, "What have you heard about (fill in a name)?  If you want to know something, ask the person in question.  If you don't wish to do that, you are--by definition--not that interested.  This is often morbid curiosity masquerading as compassion.  This is often the energy that drives so-called "prayer chains" in many congregations.  Many of these chains are in fact gossip networks baptized with a patina of prayer.

Never, never, NEVER say, "Someone told me...Someone asked me...Someone was saying..."  If a communication is confidential keep your mouth shut, unless there is danger of abuse or injury.  Attribute all information to your source.  If it is obvious to you that your source is transmitting secondhand information, keep quiet.  Stop the chain.  Find some other way to have influence in the system, to maintain control over strangers, and to relieve your own anxiety.

Live with ambiguity and uncertainty.  Don't make someone else pay a price so that you can pretend that all is well, understood and resolved.  That is the function of rumor and gossip in an emotional system.  We are meaning-making critters.  We will create bad information rather than to deal with the lack of information.  We will create chains of cause and effect where none exist.  We will assume bad things rather to wait for the real story.

Resist...resist...resist...and this is especially true for leaders in a system.  One of our chief jobs as leaders is to intercept anxiety and to derail it.  Failed leaders transmit anxiety and give it a push downhill.  As leaders we can and should tell the truth at all times.  The truth is that things are rarely as bad as the gossip network would have us believe.

This is quite simple...and exceedingly difficult.  We can only do this together and with God's help.