When Giving is Taking

"If you stay longer, you might actually be in charge of things here."  

The pastor drifted into a flashback at those words.  It was in the first year after he arrived at the old downtown church.  He discovered that part of the tradition of the old church was that graduating high school seniors received the gift of prayer shawls at the congregation's baccalaureate service.

That seemed like a wonderful idea for a while.  "Let's put the shawls on the altar and bless them during the service," he enthused.  "Then representatives of the congregation can present them to the graduates to take with them, covered in our prayers."

The members of the education committee looked nervously at one another.  No one, however said a thing.  The pastor should have picked up on this passive resistance.  He was, however, too caught up in the glow of his own wonderful idea to notice.  The committee members nodded over their frowns, and the meeting went on.

A few days later, the pastor blundered into a small and whispered meeting between the education committee chair and one of the shawl producers.  It was obvious that the pastor was the subject of the conversation.  But he was not included.  Some minutes later, the chair came into his office.

"Pastor, I need to discuss the prayer shawls with you."  She took a deep breath and wrung her hands.  "We have always had the people who made the shawls present them to the graduates at the brunch before baccalaureate.  Then the graduates know who gave them the gift.  And the graduates can properly thank the person who gives the gift.  We'd rather do it that way, if it's alright with you."

The pastor knew when he'd been licked.  And he was careful to pick his fights.  "Of course, that's just fine.  I wouldn't want to disturb an important tradition like that.  Just tell me how you want to do this, and we'll move forward."

That was the end of the conversation.  The pastor was, of course, furious at having been undercut and then discussed in secret.  It was not the first time for that sort of thing, however, and it would not be the last.  Later he discussed the issue with the Ancient Source of Solace.  This was in the pre-Bulldog days.

"It's clear that you have your work cut out for you in terms of pastoral authority," the Ancient one said.  "And that will take a fair bit of time.  But my larger concern at this point is that you have a Matcher culture on your hands.  That will affect everything you try to do."

"A 'matcher' culture?  What do you mean"

"You have a bunch of folks who don't give gifts. They exchange favors.  The prayer shawls get paid for in terms of social recognition.  They aren't free.  They come with clear obligations.  That's why the tradition is so important."

"So," the pastor asked--now intrigued, "what's the problem here?"

"There are two issues," the Ancient Source murmured in deep concentration.  "One problem is that when so-called gifts require some sort of payment, those transactions reinforce the notion that nothing comes from free.  So that makes it even harder for people to trust that God is gracious.  And it gives them a reason to refrain from giving to the church, if they don't experience some immediate benefit in return."

"So this is a stewardship issue?" the pastor asked.

"Precisely," the Ancient One continued.  "In addition, these transactions increase the distance between the recipient and the community.  It's purely an economic exchange that does nothing to deepen the relationship between the individual and the community.  Worse yet, the gift isn't from the community at all.  It's from an individual.  So the gift actually increases the distance between individual and community and reduces the possibility of deeper relationships with the church at just the moment when the graduates are leaving the home congregation."

"That's it precisely!" the pastor almost shouted.  "This isn't a gift from the church at all!  This was simply a way for givers to get community credit for individual gifts.  No wonder it felt so phony.  The church wasn't even really a part of the deal.  That's why I felt like an intruder in the process.  So, what do I do?"

"First," the Ancient Source of Solace smiled, "you let this one go.  Learn from it but don't lean on it.  Second, understand your culture and know that you will have a long way to go before it's one that honors givers.  Find the real givers in the community and lift them up at every chance.  Third, create some system so that people can pay it forward in a public way.  For example, those prayer shawls are a great thing.  Can you continue that activity in such a way that they become gifts rather than items for social sale?"

The pastor thought for a moment.  "Maybe we could bring some to the home-bound members as gifts from the whole congregation.  I think I could get that one through the system."

"I think you're onto something there."  It was clear the conversation was now done.  "Let me know how that goes.  I have a tee time in half an hour.  Cheers!"