Gossiping Up the Ladder

In the last post I described the Ladder of Inference.  Now I want to talk about how we climb that ladder together.  Let's talk about Gossip.  Gossip is the social engine that propels us up the ladder of inference.

Why does gossip exist at all?  If it didn't work in some fashion, people wouldn't do it.  Gossip has had a social bonding function in small human communities.  Talking about one another in clan groups and villages was one way to bind us to one another.  This social bonding function in a small and socially transparent setting like a village can enforce behavioral accountability.  It can create deeper connections between people.  Gossip can be used by a small community to enforce social discipline on the members of that community.

In simple terms, don't do anything that you don't want your neighbors to discuss over dinner!

That social control function, however, gets quickly out of hand.  After all, gossip is only as good as the information that drives the gossip network.  Often, there is very little accurate information in the network.  Of course, this doesn't stop us from gossiping anyway.  We simply use the Ladder of Inference to fill in the gaps in our information.

Psychologists remind us over and over that we are pattern-seeking creatures.  We are driven to make meaning out of information whether it is there or not.  We will attribute motives and intentions whether they exist or not.  We will assess, analyze, and evaluate others all day long.  We will weigh and measure, dissect and dismember, judge and jeer--all with a bare minimum of real data about other people.

We want order.  We want meaning.  We want things to make some sense.  We want control.  And most of all, we want others to serve as dutiful players in the drama where we play the lead role.

Thus, we gossip.

I live as a somewhat public person, since I am an erstwhile parish pastor.  I have, over the years, grown accustomed to being the subject of gossip most of the time.  

I have grown accustomed to it, but not comfortable with it.  And I have had people draw outlandish conclusions about me based on something as simple as a series of sneezes in the pulpit.  I have received medical and psychological diagnoses from parishioners as they shook my hands after worship.  I have gotten concerned emails offering to help me with marital difficulties, personal maladies and social anxieties.

I have plenty of issues.  It's just that gossip almost always gets them wrong.

What is required for healthy community and communication?  Every healthy gossip network has heroes who challenge the accuracy of the information being conveyed.  Every healthy gossip network has leaders who will regularly say, "Are you sure that's right?  Have you talked to so and so about that matter?  If you're so terribly concerned, have you done anything to help?  Is this the sort of information you really need in order to live your own life?"

That sort of intervention takes tremendous courage, because it can land the intervener in the middle of another spate of innuendo and imaginative reconstruction of personal histories.  The heroes and leaders are what we need in our companies, our communities and our congregations.  Such folks move us back down the ladder and onto the solid ground of actual information.