Choose to Grow

I've been reading the Tadeschi and Calhoun volume that summarizes the relatively current state of research on the psychology of post-traumatic growth (PTG).  If you like lists of research studies and suggestions for future research, then this is the book for you!  All in all, I think a little work in the garden is probably a better way to get a good night's sleep.  But I needed to slog through it to see what was there.

Perhaps the most interesting aspect is what was not really discussed.  This volume was a summary of research.  So the published results report outcomes of studies.  There's a real sense in which growth after loss and trauma is treated as a product rather than as the result of conscious choices.  The reports tend to treat such growth like reports of rainfall after a thunderstorm.  PTG is regarded as an "effect" to be tracked instead of a choice to be embraced.

I think, in fact, that growing after loss and trauma is precisely that--a choice to be embraced.  Perhaps this isn't the case for everyone.  What I know is my own experience.  If I didn't grow, I was going to descend further into the darkness.  That was, indeed, a choice I could have made.

I want to be clear.  It's not that at some point I would have said to myself, "All right, I think I will feel even worse than I do now."  No, the choice not to grow would have looked and felt for all the world like a non-choice.  I could have joined those who, for whatever reason, succumb to the debilitating effects of chronic and ever-deepening grief.  Some of that response is certainly not chosen when the result is chronic and clinical depression.  But some initial non-choices could lead to such an outcome.

Perhaps I would have frozen into a state of ongoing and superficial numbness.  I have observed the results of that choice on the part of some of my fellow travelers.  These are the ones who have chosen mere survival.  I am in no position to judge such a choice.  For some that is the best they can and will do.  I understand the permanent alterations that loss makes in us, and we all do the best we can.

Regardless, we can choose how to respond, at least within certain limits of our finitude.  Inaction is itself always a choice.  It's just that when we don't act, we can delude ourselves into thinking that what happens to us is not our responsibility.  But, you know, even when it rains we can decide whether or not to use an umbrella.  Or we may even decide to get wet and appreciate the experience.

If I were to suggest future directions for the PTG research, I would point us in this direction.  To what degree can we choose to grow after loss and trauma?  How will our choices affect our life and health years down the line?  Is choosing to grow the most important aspect of growing (I am sure it is).  How important is it to simply know that we have choices in the midst of our bereaved sense of helplessness (I believe that knowledge is critical to greater health in the long-term).

It's one of those things my friends in recovery have taught me.  When in doubt, choose growth--even if it means more pain and struggle for a while.  Choosing growth is part of choosing hope.