The Laughing Leader

I'm in a group (re)reading Primal Leadership: Realizing the Power of Emotional Intelligence, by Daniel Goleman, Annie McKee, and Richard Boyatzis.  There are several intersections between the insights in Primal Leadership and Dacher Keltner's work in Born to Be Good.

How does the projection of positive emotion impact a leader's leading and the followers' following?  Goleman, McKee, and Boyatzis have no doubts on this one.

"The fundamental task of leaders, we argue, is to prime good feeling in those they lead.  That occurs when a leader creates resonance--a reservoir of positivity that frees the best in people.  At its root, then, the primal job of leadership is emotional" (Primal Leadership, Preface).

How can this be so?  Both Keltner and Goleman et al rely on the insights of neurology to inform, in part, their assertions about both leadership and grieving.  Goleman and friends describe this as "mirroring"--a description of the emotional and physiological feedback system that exists between people at the pre-conscious level.  They write, 

"our physiologies intermingle, our emotions automatically shifting into the register of the person we're with.  The open-loop design of the limbic system means that other people can change our very physiology--and so our emotions." (Primal Leadership, page 7).

I continue to wonder how my pre-conscious affective behaviors have primed both me and the people I have sought to lead for particular interactions and relationships.  I'm not talking about the times when I am aware of  how I function--the times when I know that I'm "on."  I'm talking about all those million moments that are not conscious.  It's the brief conversation at the door of the sanctuary after worship.  It's the momentary reaction of disgust or derision at a meeting.  It's the thousand small expressions and gestures that punctuate a sermon--whether I really intend them or not.

So I wonder to what degree my loss and bereavement have changed that pre-conscious affect.  Part of the package here is the working of "mirror neurons" in our interpersonal relationships. Keltner gives this description connected with the contagious impact of laughter.

"Specifically, laughter triggers activation in a region of the motor cortex in the listener, the supplementary motor area (SMA).  Bundles of neurons leaving the SMA go to the insula and amygdala, thus triggering the experience of mirth and amusement in the perceiver of the laugh.  When we hear others laugh, this system of mirror neurons acts as if the listener is laughing." (Born to be Good).

Over the years, I have observed other pastors who have had major personal losses.  In most cases, they have moved on to another parish in relatively short order.  That is not systematic research.  It is anecdotal at best.  But I wonder to what degree and how our bereaved pre-conscious affect shapes this mirroring connection with those we lead. When we're sad, we laugh less.  We're not as pleasant to be around.  That isolation makes us sadder and grumpier still.  And all along, we may not even notice that we are more sullen and more alone than is good for anyone--leader or followers.

The action I can take in this regard, according to Goleman and colleagues, is to maintain good, basic personal emotional hygiene.  Rather than trying to deal with the sadness itself, I have sought to address more issues concerning general and ongoing well-being.  I have worked on choosing hope more regularly.  So far, so good.