Laying a Resilient Foundatin

I visited a parishioner who had been diagnosed with a serious and aggressive cancer.  I was still in my first few years in the parish and didn't know much of anything.  I had been trained.  I had read books.  But I knew very little.

I stopped in.  "How's it going?" I asked.  We talked about everything but the cancer.  Finally I made it clear that if we weren't going to be honest about the disease, then I would move on to my next task. 

What a terrible thing to do--to make my need to be needed more important than my parishioner's perspectives!.  Fortunately, I was faced with a good teacher.  He suggested that he was really doing all right with the disease.  Instead, he wanted some time with his pastor where cancer talk wasn't required.

I had such a problem and deficit focus that I couldn't see the strength right in front of me.  In fact, the great majority of people are, as I mentioned in my last post, "ordinarily resilient."  We who live as problem solvers often forget that reality.  If your only tool is a hammer, then everything becomes a nail.

What are some of the factors that make me me more resilient in the face of major challenges?  One factor is the presence of previous successful responses to trouble, trauma and tragedy.  If I have done well before, then I have accumulated skills, resources and recollections to help me this time around.  I will do well to remember those previous successful efforts.

Do I use optimistic thinking styles?  That is, do I see the crisis as temporary?  Do I see myself as someone who can respond in positive ways?  Do I see myself as a person who is generally capable and happy?

Can I exercise pathway flexibility?  That is, am I willing to look for other ways to the future if trouble blocks the path I was pursuing before?  Inflexible people tend to get stuck in crisis.

Do I have a supportive and reliable interpersonal support network?  That may be family, friends, co-workers, club or church.  As I noted yesterday, this is the factor that determines how children flourish or fail in the wake of a divorce.  Even if the parents are not doing well, the presence of other healthy and supportive adults can make all the difference.

Do I have an emergency plan, personal life line, coach or mentor for the extreme challenges?  Do I know who I can call to process, to ponder, and to pontificate?  There are times when my own resources are not quite enough.

Do I have a clear sense of greater purpose and meaning for my life and the events in my life?  Do I have some way of fitting things into the picture or expanding the frame of the picture in order to make sense of it all?

All of these factors are things that I can develop and enhance, that I can practice and prepare.  With some intention, thought and action, I can lay a foundation that will serve me well when the inevitable troubles, traumas and tragedies arrive.

Do you need some help as you lay that foundation?  Just let me know!