Finding Meaning in the Middle

In my adult years, I've been a big "meaning of life" kind of guy.  That has especially been true when things haven't gone so well.  The existential crises in my life have always come down at some point or another to "So, what's the point of it all anyway?"  At a few of those moments I have considered--at least at an intellectual level--taking my own life and answering the question myself once and for all.

To celebrate the obvious, I have not followed through with that academic exercise.

Where do we find meaning?  Ori Brafman describes the ways that resilient people--the ones he names "tunnelers"--find and maintain meaning and purpose in their lives.  I find his analysis to be helpful in many ways.

One way to derive meaning and purpose that can sustain me is to break my life down into smaller tasks and goals.  For example, I may find that my current work situation is not all that meaningful or purposive.  I can take that as a given for now and put it on the emotional shelf.  In the face of that, I can identify smaller and specific tasks and goals that are important and produce some good.  

For example, I can make a visit to someone who is ill and provide comfort and support.  I know that I am engaged in something that makes life better for that person and makes the world a better place.  I may be unable to place that activity in some cosmic or even personal framework at the moment, but that is beside the point.

I wish in hindsight that I had been given this orientation much earlier in life.  I was so bogged down with big picture meaning that I could easily lose track of the small things that give joy and hope every moment of every day.  Now I know, for example, the healing power of making lists and marking things off the list.  When I am overwhelmed with the sense that life isn't going anywhere and I'm not doing anything that matters, I make a list.  I start with items that I know I will accomplish.  Sometimes I even list things that I've already done just to be able to mark them off.

Giggle if you must (I will join you), but it works.

A second strategy that Brafman describes is one that I love.  Meaning is not equated with certainty. Meaning is found in the search itself, not in the discovery of the answers.  

For example, I am meeting with young people soon to be confirmed in our congregation.  To each of them I have issued a challenge.  Please share with me and with the congregation at least one question about your faith journey that remains unanswered.  If you can't come up with such a question, I'll be glad to supply one for you.

Of course, I love the questions.  But I am North American enough to still connect meaning with certainty and success with the security of answered questions.  So when life throws at us an "unanswerable"--the death of a loved one, a debilitating illness or injury, the end of a relationship, the loss of a business or job or farm--we are often plunged into an emotional abyss.  

"I thought I knew how things work.  I was sure I had the path figured out.  I believed that I understood the nature of existence."  Brafman points out that this becomes more and more of a crisis for some of us the older we get.  In most of human experience, however, age is thought to produce the wisdom that embraces the mystery.

That is my experience now.  Would I like to have abundant security and certainty?  Of course!  Am I finding the resources to embrace the adventure of later life with fewer answers?  Well, that's coming along.  And when I can be comfortable with the mysterious adventure, then this meaning business comes clearer.

So, I don't know what it all means for me, how it all works for me, where it's all headed for me.  But I do know what I can do for someone else today.  And I do trust that it all comes together in the end. That's how to find some meaning in the middle, eh?