Stepping On To the Invisible Bridge

The first step in bridging conflicts is to believe that a bridge exists. Otherwise parties to a conflict will stand on their respective sides and simply hurl insults at each other.  This is often how mediation begins--with one or both parties assuring me that "nothing is going to come of this."  They politely thank for my time and effort and often why in the world a grown up would spend his energy on such fruitless pursuits.

I don't debate the proposition at that point.  I simply ask the parties to keep an open mind and give it a try.  Sometimes the bridge doesn't appear until you act like it is there.

Early in a mediation I sometimes think of a scene from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. I think of that scene where Jones has to step out in faith in order to save his father's life.  He faces an unbridgeable chasm.  He can turn back, or he can step forward in faith.  When he takes the step, the bridge appears.

You can see the scene at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xFntFdEGgws.

Perhaps we mediators appear to the parties at first to be floating in thin air.  Neither of them has been willing or able to take the first step.  They are stuck on opposite sides of the chasm with no way back or forward.  One of the early functions of the mediator is simply to encourage one party or another to begin.  "Which of you would like to start?"  It's often as simple as that.

One of the things that helps people step on to the bridge was not available to the good Doctor Jones. He had to take the step all by himself.  In mediation that isn't necessary.  A neutral facilitator is there to assure the parties that neither will fall off the bridge once they step on.  As a mediator, I take each of the parties by the hand (sometimes quite literally) as we step on to the bridge of conflict that will bring them toward one another and perhaps toward a deeper understanding of the problems they want to solve.  

It is part of my job to make sure that the parties don't have to work without a net as they cross the conflict bridge toward one another.  It may be necessary for them to say hard things to one another.  It may even help the process if they can express their strong feelings out loud to one another.  But the process must be safe for everyone involved.  The bridge may sway a bit at times, but the facilitator dare not let go of the brave people who are trying to work out their differences and achieve a different relationship.

A few people can step out in faith on to a bridge they cannot see.  Very few of us, however, can imitate Indiana Jones when we are in the midst of a conflict.  A mediator or conflict coach can guide our steps until the bridge appears.

Who do you know who needs a calm hand to guide them across the conflict bridge?