Doing What Comes Naturally?

"If we could manage to see people on other continents as part of us, drawing them into our circle of reciprocity and empathy, we would be building on, rather than going against, our nature." Franz de Waal, evolutionary biologist.

A congregation is bitterly divided by a conflict.  The troubles have gotten to such a point that the pastor has been asked to leave.  Many had hoped that once this personal flash point was removed, things would get better.  Things, of course, have not gotten better.  Now the conflict becomes a blame game.  "You ran our pastor out of the church," one side spouts, "and now what will we do?"

Image provided by Greg Hennigs

The other side is equally harsh.  "You were a bunch of damned fools for listening to that miserable excuse for a preacher.  You were naive.  You were used and manipulated.  We saved you and our congregation from years more of such terrible leadership."

Now family members experience tense silences because this is a forbidden topic.  Now people pass each other in the church narthex without speaking or making eye contact.  Now the attendance has dropped by forty percent and neighboring congregations are seeing visitors from the troubled congregation.  Now prospective members show up one Sunday and never come again.  Who needs more tension and trouble in their lives?

Then one brave and mature soul makes a move.  "It could be," this courageous character says, "it could be that those other folks have some good reasons for feeling and acting the way they do.  Maybe we should try to understand their perspective."

The simple saint's compatriots hiss with horror.  "Traitor!  Dupe!  Wolf in sheep's clothing!  How could you ever take their side?  You know the real truth of this situation!  You know how terrible those other people are.  How could you even consider their perspective?"

Perspective taking in the midst of a heated conflict is an example of great moral and emotional courage. That perspective taking--the first step toward genuine empathy--is a good way for a person to be drummed right out of the group.  And yet, that is the only real path toward reconciliation.  Choosing empathy is always choosing the hope of healing.

de Waal points to the story of Yosef Lapid, former Israeli justice minister.  In 2004, Lapid made the unthinkable suggestion that Israel might be wrong in demolishing Palestinian homes in the West  Bank. He was labeled a traitor, an enemy sympathizer.  But Lapid remembered an image of an elderly Palestinian woman standing in the wreckage of her home.  He then thought of his own grandmother, a Holocaust victim.  Lapid connected the two stories and built a bridge of empathy.

(I now see that Lapid's son, Yair, is leader of the second most powerful element of the current Israeli coalition government.  Yair continues his father's perspectives on Palestinian settlements and a two-state solution).

Shane Snow notes on LinkedIn that telling a compelling story will be the most powerful business skill in the next five years.  That is so because such stories build the bridge of empathy.  Such stories move us in the direction of our better nature.  And that is a direction we wish to go, if only someone will have the courage to take another perspective and tell a powerful story.

Are there such courageous saints in your community?