Thanks, Dad (and Will Rogers)

"Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment."  Will Rogers

My father was a connoisseur of the good quote.  He was also shameless in attributing them to his own wit and wisdom.  It was years before I discovered that Dad had stolen the line above from Will Rogers.  Lest I be too harsh, I am (after all) a preacher and public speaker.  Good public speakers know how and when to steal quality material and to put it to good use.

The failure to learn is perhaps the greatest of all failures.  It may be a sign of our overwhelming perfectionism.  One of our devotions this morning put it this way.  "We're more likely to see a setback as a sign that we're a complete failure than as a necessary learning experience from growth" (In God's Care: Daily Meditations on Spirituality in Recovery, August 21). 

So resistance to learning is a sign of the emotional extremism that often keeps us in bondage.  I must either be a complete success or a total failure.  If I am not one, then I must be the other.  And since I cannot avoid the reality of failure, I am regularly impressed with my utter lack of perfection.  Being reminded that I don't know everything, then, is one more way that my inadequacy is highlighted.

Learning requires abandoning perfectionism.  Useful experience often comes from "bad" judgment.  We all know that we learn most and best from our failures.  I have days that are filled with continuing education opportunities.

The only question is, will I benefit from the opportunities or not?

This has a couple of implications.  One of the best ways to have a difficult conversation is to turn it into a learning conversation.  "Help me understand more of what you are saying, thinking, feeling," is the royal road to reconciliation and hope.  Asking that question requires that I am vulnerable.  It requires that I am OK with being incomplete and less than perfect.  Asking that question means that I am asking the other party for help in learning more about my world.

That's why it works so well.  And that's why it is so difficult to have such conversations without help from a third party.  I don't like being vulnerable, incomplete and imperfect any more than anyone else. But I can deal with the fact that you are in that position, and I'm then willing to join you there as a facilitator.  And I'll do my best to guide you to the new information and connections that make the risk worthwhile.

In addition, this is why learning organizations flourish.  Businesses that describe themselves in terms of what they offer will not do well in attracting consumer attention.  Those organizations that seek to learn from their market and then describe themselves in terms of that learning--those are the organizations that will stand out and get ahead.

I find this so painfully obvious in congregations.  When I have worked with congregations in planning processes, I have encountered the greatest resistance when I have suggested that they go and talk to the community.  "Ask the community what the real ministry needs are in this area," I say.  "Why would we want to do that?" is often the response.  

Many congregations believe that the outside world has nothing to teach them.  They strive to be absolutely self-defining.  Is it any wonder that the outside world looks in other places for healing, help and hope?  Humility, vulnerability and openness will serve churches just as well as any other business or nonprofit.

May God bless us with good judgment and equip us to deal with the bad judgment that gets us there!